Emily's Blog

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• @geoffjones not that i dont miss you or anything, but please dont come home before friday Hope everything goes well on the last leg! #

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• @geoffjones can you call me? #

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As anyone who has facebook will know I´ve basically had a complete disaster of the last few days. After an absolutely wonderful goodbye party at the nursery, followed by a great day out sandboarding with my new friends, I was so ready to leave. I have been looking forward to going to Cuzco ever since i stepped foot in Peru… counting down the days until I could have company So the day finally came and my flight got cancelled I was gutted! Burst into tears at the airport, then had to return for another night chez Doris and her irritatingly-in-love-with-me son. Rebooked for the next day, then went to the airport this morning… 10 mins before boarding they cancelled it again! I have never been so pissed off before in my life. All this means i have missed a total of two flights to Cuzco and had to stay the night in Lima tonight. To make matters worse I wasted 66 soles in taxi fares… and when i got back to the house I found out Doris had left for the day to visit family. Leaving me homeless, with everything except one internet cafe shut for mothers day.  I had to knock on neighbours doors just so I could go for a wee! Then I couldn´t get hold of anybody i needed to on the phone, and it all just got too much and I spent most of the day crying (in public!) in frustration.

Until, my absolutely wonderful mummy came to the rescue, booking me into a 4* hotel bang in the airport of Lima. I walked into my room and my mouth just dropped… double bed(!) huge tv(!) free internet (!) BATH(!) HOT water, a beauty salon(!!). As soon as the porter left my room, i leapt onto the bed and started jumping and screaming like a lunatic. I have never been so grateful for anything before in my life.

I have now had the most satisfying bath of my life, and sit here typing with the most perfect nails you´ve ever seen… and feet that feel like a babies bottom. What a day!

• Majorly pissed off my flight to Lima got delayed until 5pm this afternoon… Means can’t fly to cusco until tomorrow. #
• So just transferred all my flights to tomorrow morning. Another day in Trujillo for me #
• Was SO excited aswell :’( #

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There is not a moments peace here for all the taxi´s honking their horns. After over three weeks here riding in colectivos everyday I have finally decoded what the honks are saying and split them into five categories:

When attracting a new customer:
“Hello, you… yes you! I´m over here, that´s right on the other side of the road. I know I´m going in the wrong direction and you´ve turned down 10 other taxis, but look baby, I´m not like them… I could be the taxi of your dreams! I´ll do a U-ey for you… look now we´re on the same side of the road. How about it?! Go on…  you know you want to really ”

Expressing approval of a “Linda/Guapa/Gringa”:
“Oi! You! Fitty! Check this out, the guy who´s pressing my button… he´s got a face like a dribbling pervert and you really ought to see it!”

When releasing frustration:
“Why the hell aren´t we moving! Oi, idiot infront… I dont give a toss if you´re stuck in traffic, find a way, there must be a way. Just move…MOVE!”

Having found a way out of traffic:
“Wahey! Check me out baby. I´m driving down the wrong side of the carriageway. Yeah, thats right oncoming cars… I´m driving towards you so you´d better get the hell out of my way! Oi, you suckers stuck in traffic, look at me. I might be about to die, but at least I´m moving… anyway look I´ve got Jesus here with me, I´m going to heaven!”

When serving a general warning to the public:
“I´m driving like a mad man and there´s nothing you can do to stop me! I´m not slowing down and I sure as hell ain´t stopping… so come close at your own peril. Anyway, I started honking first so it´s my right of way… yeah, that´s right puta, you just stay where you are. I´m the King of this road!”

Needless to say, I find the colectivos a little stressful…

• just emailed a guy about going Sandboarding this weekend… eeek excited!!! Still can´t get on my blog though #

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• Wanted to write a blog post today, but this computer has an anti-porn package installed on it… and apparently my blog contains pornogr … #

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Today Alison (the new volunteer, who´s 26 and from Minnesota) and I went to Huanchaco Beach to tomar un poquito de sol

It´s about 40 minutes on the bus from Trujillo, and quite a bus ride it is. I still feel nauseous from all the jolts… it honestly felt like the bus was held together by duck tape but I mean you get what you pay for its only 1.5 sols… about 50p. The beach is lovely! I was just so happy to be beside the seaside, I love looking out to the ocean The waves are huge I got knocked over a few times, don´t think i´ll be going for a proper swim I´m not a strong enough swimmer. Plus the water is bloody freezing! Oh, and Doris told me there are sharks

We ate some such good food today,  it was heaven to finally eaten something that wasn´t rice based… as lovely as Mama Doris´ food is I ate these big stodgy pancakes with lemon and sugar. Then for lunch i had CHEESE! Something I haven´t eaten for nearly 2 weeks now. Not on it´s own of course, with a toastie and pineapple. It was yummy yummy, you´ve never seen someone get so excited by cheese before

The sun here is so strong! I´m already browner.. .and redder than i was after 2 weeks in Dubai! There is only one thing i didn´t like about the beach today and that is the men. First off two newsreporters came over and filmed me in my bikini for about 40 minutes. They were interviewing me about what I´m doing here in Trujillo, why i came alone, why i dont have a boyfriend, do I like the Peruvian men, do i like to go out and dance, how do i spend a typical night out in England. It just went on and on and on, they asked for my email so they can come and film me at the wawa wasi haha. They literally didn´t leave me alone until Alison came back I´m really hoping and praying i´m not going to be on Channel 15 (one of the main tv stations here) in my bikini talking about the Latino men and their bad reputation in England hahaha. Oh dear Then later on two other Peruvian blokes came and sat with us and started trying to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and get me to teach them to him in English. Telling me i had “los ojos y labios mas bonitas de todo el mundo” the most beautiful eyes and lips in all of the world. How original… we packed up and left they literally wouldn´t take any hints of leaving Then whilst waiting for the bus we got accosted by yet another Peruvian bloke asking for our numbers so he could “practise his english”. Plus there is the constant hissing, wolf whistling and cheering to contend with. Next time, I´m inventing a big, beefy boyfriend who´s here in Peru and coming to meet me any moment  I told Mama Doris that I didn´t like the male attention and she told me that like 3 of the girls who lived with her in the past said they weren´t going to touch the latino men then ended up falling in love! hahaha. Not me… although having said that down the other end of the beach are some rather tasty surfers

Oh and good news on the stomach front… all is calm and well hahaha. False alarm

I am seeing these left, right and centre haha can´t possibly remember them all but here´s a few:

- I saw an advertisement for a food company called Fanny.. so far I have seen their name on a can of tuna, and a jar of strawberry jam. Hahaha too many jokes too little internet time to make them
- I also saw a frontpage headline on a news stand “Learn the techniques of masturbation with your feet” and no i didn´t misread it!
- I took the bus for the first time They are all like the old buses from the 1950s with bright cartoons painted on the outside. They ride along with doors open and people whistle from the street and it slows down and they hop on. The first bus we went on, the driver had framed and hung up a picture of his wife and kids, and his kids shoes were hanging from the metal bars There was also a poster of Albert Einstein sticking out his tongue. Then the second bus we took… well that was more Peruvian style. The driver had stuck up pictures of all his favourite pornstars around his window hahaha.
- Yesterday I ate the most enormous slice of chocolate cake you´ve ever seen, from a little shop near mama doris house. I am now cold, sweaty, sleepy and my stomach hurts :´( looks like i am not going to make this trip scott free. Lino says I can expect at least 3 days in the toilet!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Nothing has happened yet, so i still have time. I´ve been downing charcoal tablets and hoping and praying for the best. WISH ME LUCK!